Papa Durbin Studios

Fried Green Durbins Shows Scheduled

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 15:08:00 +0000

Get excited friends. FGD has shows coming up on Dec 14 at 9pm and Dec 21 at 3pm. Very likely that our Dec 21 show will be a Christmas Spectacular as we are wont to do. I really just wanted to use the word wont. I love doing our holiday shows, they're full of special guests and surprises.

Come see it!

Some Random Baseball Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 19:41:00 +0000

Congrats to the Rays and Phillies to moving on to the World Series. My prediction of Rays-Dodgers was oh so close. Granted I made that call two games into the Division Serieses, but hey, could have been worse.

Strangely, AL East has been repping the AL in the World Series a lot in the last decade. And when I say a lot I mean A LOT.

Of the last ten series (1998-2008 (which might be 11 series)) the AL East has been represented in 8 of them.
1998: Yankees
1999: Yankees
2000: Yankees
2001: Yankees
2002: Angels
2003: Yankees
2004: Red Sox
2005: White Sox
2006: Tigers
2007: Red Sox
2008: Rays

That is a lot of AL East. They've won 5 of the 10 that occured.

So yeah.

That is your random baseball thought for today.

The Inevitable Movie Preview Review

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:13:00 +0000

Time for another world famous "John reviews a movie based on its preview".

I was trying to avoid this one because it looks so bad, but it would be irresponsible to do so.

This movie is about Aztec Chihuahuas that are going to sing and dance for 2+ hours. In case you were curious, they fully intend to bang each other as was noted by the 50% lover part. I am also assuming that since the Chihuahua has a spanish accent but raps as though he was from the streets that he is based on Gerardo.

Bonus points if you knew who Gerardo was before watching the video. I never realized how filthy the lyrics to this song were.

Please note that in the preview it did not say "Disney Proudly Presents" in the voiceover which is common for Disney movies. Even they know its gonna suck.

The movie posters for this don't help answer any questions at all either. Sorry I link to these instead of posting them here, I just have no idea how to do it without it screwing everything up.

Poster 1
http://movies.about.com/od/beverlyhillschihuahua/ig/Beverly-Hills-Chihuahua-Poster/beverlyhillschihuahuaposter2.htm
OK, I know how big Chihuahuas are. Excellent.

Poster 2
http://movies.about.com/od/beverlyhillschihuahua/ig/Beverly-Hills-Chihuahua-Poster/beverlyhillschihuahuaposter4.htm
This tells me that the Chihuahua wants to fight me or is asking me if I literally want some of him. Which seems strange considering the other poster informed me that he was already little and probably doesn't have much to give.

Poster 3
http://movies.about.com/od/beverlyhillschihuahua/ig/Beverly-Hills-Chihuahua-Poster/beverlyhillschihuahuaposter3.htm
I now know I need to kill myself on Sept 25.

Follow up: Apparently the release date was pushed back a week. Giving me another week to live. Thanks Disney.

Madden Curse Came Early This Year

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:54:00 +0000

With Brett Favre going to the Jets, we have (I believe) the earliest fulfillment of the Madden Curse. Usually the injury or fluke circumstance that ruins a season doesn't happen until a couple weeks in. I am glad fate is getting more efficient.

Yes, Favre going to the Jets is a curse. He needs to learn a whole new set of plays, receivers, has a new offenseive line, and will be in a tougher division. I would be shocked if he had a good year. The other side note to this curse is he damaged his legacy. He did. Let's be upfront about that. This whole situation is awkward and has happened too many times for it not to change the way people think about him.

I hope the new Madden is good. So far I have heard good things.

Quick Note About the Recap Below

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 03:13:00 +0000

There are a bunch of youtube videos embedded here. It takes a little while to load.

4th Annual Lollapalooza Recap/Review Party

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 21:40:00 +0000

Here is my annual recap of Lollapalooza, a 3 day music festival in Chicago. I have gone every year. I have written a recap every year.

First off, what am I writing about. Not just the bands and how they were, but the experience itself. Ergo, there might be some unrelated comments, so just bear with me. I admit I am biased by bands I like vs ones I have never heard, so please consider that and I will note it as needed.

My grading system is schoolish

A = I would actively find when this band is doing another show and pay to see them
B = If someone invited me I would probably go
C = I would probably agree to go see them then flake at the last minute
D = I would simply say “no” if invited to see them
F = I would be so insulted you thought I would even remotely consider seeing them that it is not unlikely that I will punch you in the face and/or end whatever relationship we have

+/- applies in this as well. It’s important to note I am not a big concert person. I prefer listening to recorded albums, so to earn an A you have to be pretty good at something.

For organizational sake I have included the day by day recaps in separate posts below. I had the foresight to post day 3 first so it would appear last.

Me = Genius.

I also put the time someone performed so you can get an idea of how sober/sunstroked I was when I wrote it. This year I included links to youtube or elsewhere so you can hear some samples.

At the end I will close out some thoughts and also provide a list of bands I happened to hear (either because I caught the end of their set waiting for another band or walked by their stage) and want to learn more about.

Live the dream.

Lollapalooza Day 1: Time at fest 12:30pm-10pm

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 21:38:00 +0000

See Above for grading meanings. See below for the review.

12:45pm - Already very sweaty. Festival is already very crowded. Already drinking beer. Lollapalooza 08 is a go!

1:15pm – Rogue Wave: A

One of my favorite bands so I am a little biased. These guys sounded great and did a really good set. They started a bit slow but closed it out perfectly with a Lake Michigan – Harmonium one two punch.

Sound isn’t as good on these videos as it was live.

Lake Michigan

Harmonium

They had a weird time slot considering they are popular. Going theory is festival organizers knew they would get people out but weren’t big enough to be insulted by this time slot.

Rogue Wave sez: “Thanks! We redheads need to stick together. Even though we only have one redheaded band member. And one with a cool beardstache.”

2:15pm - The Go! Team: B+

See these guys do a live show. They bounce around like maniacs and demand the audience do the same. Poppy type of music. Even though it was 300 degrees the audience was totally into it.

This is from Glastonbury, but has better sound than any Lolla videos

After this set some older guy (prob 45) who was 5’4”, overweight, balding, and probably a little drunk was talking to anyone around him about The Go! Team and how great they are. He also suggested everyone see CSS. Sorry, buddy, last time I went where a drunk middle aged dude suggested… well, let’s just say the free candy was the only good part.

The Go! Team sez: “That dude weirds us out too.”

3:15pm – Duffy: F-

Sounded awful. Was boring between songs. Really nothing redeeming about her set. I am consciously not linking to anything on her because I don’t want to ruin your day.

Dufffy sez: “Ouch!”

4:15pm - Gogol Bordello: A-

For me they are A- just because I am lazy about going to see shows. For you they should be an A++++ and immediately on your list of bands to see perform live. They play gypsy punk, which is becoming surprisingly popular. Fine by me. I like gypsy punk.

They were energetic, eclectic, and made you feel ok about going absolutely bananas in public. Basically, exactly what a festival band should be.

Gogol Bordello sez: “Rishtag Weeehawg!” or some other indiscernible thing really loudly.

5:45pm – Grizzly Bear: B+

For you I would say B-. I know, what’s the point of this system if I have to keep translating. Here’s the thing: they sound great, they are just more mellow. Not so much so that it sucked, but they are a smaller venue band. So the grade varies based on venue. They can play live. Don’t doubt that. Just know you are getting what their album sounds like. Which is mellow. My first very disjointed paragraph. Yay!

Sorry, couldn’t find any other good live performances

Grizzly Bear sez: “Come on, man. We gave you ‘Horn of Plenty’, which is one of your favorite albums ever. You couldn’t at least give us an A-?”

John sez: “Sorry, Grizzly Bear. I have to be ethical about this. I still love you.”

6:15pm – The Raconteurs: Whoops

I am not sure quite how this happened, but I basically missed their set. Probably because I had to walk across the fest after being guaranteed to miss the first 15 minutes. Then I needed a rib sandwich. Then I sat off to the side behind the stage to take a little break. Then next thing I knew, I had only listened to a couple songs. I will say this based on seeing them before. They are awesome live. Go see them.

Hate to link to such a mainstream song, but best I could find.

The Raconteurs sez: “We don’t care that you missed our set because we hate you as a person.”

8pm – Radiohead: A+

Soooooo, you could argue that OK Computer or The Bends was one of the best albums of the last 20 years and they were both made by one band. Also note their other albums include Kid A, Pablo Honey, and Hail to the Thief amongst others.

That is maniacal.

Some people complained that it was just them standing and playing. I disagree, they had laser lights and other things to entertain your eyes. The other thing is, the music does the work for a band like this. Their songs are so intense that it is hard not to get swept up in their show. See them sooner rather than later. They are an incredible band and sounded awesome live.

A little outdated, but you get the idea of how awesome they are

Also worth noting; there was a guy in the beer line who had a Pablo Honey tour shirt on. He was probably early 40’s. Graying a bit. I have never been so jealous of someone. Can you imagine loving Radiohead that much when that came out then they follow it up consistently with dynamite albums? Not only loving them that much, but being aged enough to truly understand the band and not just have a teenage crush on them.

Bonus video for the Pablo Honey T-shirt guy even though this isn't from the album Pablo Honey but it is one of their best songs and they played it at Lolla.

Radiohead Sez: “Thanks for the nice words. We couldn’t quite hear you because we were under a huge pile of money and women and talent. But we’re sure they were very nice.”

Pablo Honey Tour Shirt Guy Sez: “Some weird dude just cornered me and kept talking about The Go! Team. It was awkward. Oh, and scroll down for the Day 2 recap.”

Better do what he says. He knows how to pick 'em.

Lollapalooza Day 2: Time at Fest 2pm-9pm

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 21:37:00 +0000

2:30pm - Dierks Bentley: B+

Let’s be upfront. I don’t like country in general. I like Alt country (Bright Eyes, Nickel Creek, Iron & Wine might fit in this category). Howevs, this was an awesome show. The fans who were there because they love Dierks. Which means a lot of rowdy cheering and stomping. The band sounded really good and the music was something you could dance to. Also, bonus points to Dierks for laughing at the general Lollapalooza sentiment of “Who the hell is Dierks Bentley?” More bonus points because there was an onstage appearance of ubiquitous red cup of Hot Chicks With Douchebags fame (www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com).

Sadly, this was the best I could find

Dierks Bentley Sez: “Thanks for the nice words, John. I know you were only there because someone asked you to go and that you will only ever see me again because that same person will probably buy you a ticket. But that’s alright. Now let’s go get a cold beer and some women!”

3:30pm – Devotchka: B

Gypsy rock is the new black.

Devotchka is most well known for creating the majority of the Little Miss Sunshine soundtrack. I like their music a lot. They sounded good, but for a fest they just aren’t a huge energy band. God love ‘em they tried. But a 125lb woman playing a tuba can only jump up and down for so long before she’ll wear herself out.

I would close your eyes for this video. I don’t want to be partially responsible for causing a seizure.

Devotchka sez: “She’s only 110lbs. You cock.”

3:30pm – MGMT: A

And we have hit the first time I get to admit I left one band to go see another. Not the first or last time I will get to say that. These guys are awesome. Tons of energy. Sound great. Have a lot of really good music that you can either sit and relax to enjoy or jump around like a madman. Bonus points to this set because it helped prove my “no matter how much space is around you people will find a way to run into you” theory. Basically, I was way back from the stage relaxing and people still almost ran into me. Ridiculous.

I think this guy accidentally made one of the greatest music videos of all time.

MGMT sez: “We’re always ready to help prove scientific theories.”

4:30pm – Brand New: D-

Hi. We’re Brand New. The band. We have two drummers and 5 guitarists. But here’s what so cool. We’re all playing the same notes.

John sez: “Ugh I hated these guys. I hope they don’t read this an come hurt me.”

4:30pm – Explosions in the Sky: A+

I needed something to forget I ever saw Brand New. Enter Explosions in the Sky. They were very Sigur Ros-ian in that they had no words, just pure music. The one difference being Sigur Ros has a dude sing gibberish. Explosions might want to look into that, it actually adds a lot. But these guys sounded amazing. No doubt they can rock out. I didn’t mean to rhyme that line. Unfortunately I am using a typewriter and to go back and edit would involve me retyping all these words and html code. Sorry.

Sigur Ros for a point of comparison

This reminds me how much I miss the show “Reverb” that was on HBO. It is one of my all time favorites. I found a ton of bands I love through that show. Please bring it back HBO. I’ll kiss you.

Explosions in the Sky sez: “We don’t need a lead singer singing gibberish. That’s so Icelandic… Ya know. Cuz Sigur Ros is from Iceland… Oh what’s the point?” (sound of footsteps walking away)

5:30pm - Okkervil River: A+

This was the band I was most nervous about being disappointed in. I love Black Sheep Boy (album) but hadn’t really heard anything else. They sounded amazing. Nothing got lost in translation in the live show including lead singer Will Sheff’s maniacally desperate sing/scream voice.

Bonus points for having a disinterested woman playing guitar on stage who apparently is not a member of the band. Mystery women!

They also played my favorite song by them. No one else I know seems to like it. Take a listen and you judge. It is called “For Real”.

Here is one of their live performances. They didn’t play anything this slow. Just the best I could find that illustrates how good they sound live.

Worth noting there was a couple of dudes in front of us (and I mean they were dudes who were also a couple) and one of them was this little guy from the Phillipines who weirded me out. He was about 5ft tall, completely jacked and reminded me a lot of little superstar.

The key difference being little superstar wasn’t with his lover (maybe) and little superstar was able to have both feet on the ground at the same time. This dude was constantly on the toes of one of his feet while the other was on the ground.

The best part is I am pretty sure he knew my friend and I were laughing at him so he kept giving me menacing looks. It really didn’t help that he was between me and the jumbotron so he easily could have thought I was staring at him.

Litte Philipino man, I wasn’t staring at you, I promise.

Okkervil River sez: “We don’t know who that girl was. She just showed up with a guitar. We thought you knew her.”

Little Philipino Man sez: “I watch you when you sleep.”

Yikes.

6:30pm – Lupe Fiasco: A+

I know. 3 A+’s in a row? It seems like I turned into a kindergarten teacher who is grading whether or not you colored between the lines but you have to believe me that this was a scheduling thing. Pure coincidence. I have never been as happy at a music thing as I was during this almost 3 hours of Lolla.

Lupe is awesome. He has so much energy on stage. He is all over the place and sounds amazing. I have nothing else to say. Go see the best MC (rapper? Hip hop artist?) that is on the stages today. Yes I said that. Deal with it.

This is from ’07 Lollapalooza. Sorry for the long intro

Confession time: I saw one song of Broken Social Scene before heading to Lupe Fiasco. I didn’t review BSS here because they would have broken my string of A+’s. I didn’t want that to happen for one song from a band I genuinely enjoy. Go see BSS live. They are a great band.

Lupe Fiasco sez: “We should be friends. I think we would get along great and have a lot of fun.”

Broken Social Scene sez: “How could you do this to your Canadian brethren? … Of course you’re Canadian… Wow… You’re not? Now we don’t know what to think.”

Here is where Day 2 ends. Why? Because I was walking around talking to friends for the remaining 90 minutes I was there. I caught little snippets here and there but nothing I feel I could actually write something about in a fair way to the bands. Also, after this series of awesomeness I couldn’t really handle anything else.

Let’s wrap Day 2 up lightening round style with comments from bands that I ignored at the end of the day:

Sharon Jones sez: “I’m sorry Duffy ruined this style of music for you. Maybe Mark Ronson will redeem your faith.”

Toadies sez: “Screw you for hating us. We were an important band. Just because we look like the guy obsessed The Go! Team doesn’t give you have the right to judge us.”

DJ Momjeans sez: “I’m Danny Masterson! Admit it, the word momjeans is pretty incredible.” (John nods and points to nose)

Wilco sez: “Why can’t you get into us? We don’t understand it and it is starting to get really annoying. I think it’s about time you gave us another try.”

Rage Against the Machine sez: “You’re gonna regret not seeing us live when you had the chance.”

Rage is probably right. Let’s hope I didn’t repeat the mistake on Day 3.

Suspense!

Lollapalooza Day 3: Time at Fest 12:30pm-10pm

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 21:35:00 +0000

Here it is. Day 3. Always a day of mixed emotions. Exhaustion from the previous 2 days. Excitement at the prospect of seeing acts that top what I have already seen. Sadness that the greatest weekend every year is coming to a close. Sigh. Guess we will dive in.

1:15pm – The Weakerthans: N/A

Um… they didn’t show up. Apparently they had travel problems? Or something… I dunno, I’m not gonna hold it against them because they are one of my favorite bands.

What sucked is they had this crappy timeslot that made me get to the fest 3 hours before Iron & Wine (the next band I wanted to see) when I was still extremely tired and hungover from the day/night before. And it was 100 degrees outside. Let’s just say I was a little grumpy.

This is what I could have enjoyed

The Weakerthans sez: “It’s hard to get to the states from Canada. You know what we’re talking about… You don’t?... But aren’t you?... You’re not Canadian?... But BSS said… Now we don’t know what to think.”

2pm – The nap I took on a park bench in the shade: B

I’ve had better naps. Even better naps in public. The thing that saved this nap from a lower grade is that it probably salvaged the rest of my day. I felt good enough afterwards that I was able to enjoy the rest of my day.

Nap sez: “I’m always here to help.”

4:15pm – Iron & Wine: A+

I love Sam Beam. Beard and all. He is probably the most underrated guitarist out there. He gets so much sound from just himself and the guitar. I saw Iron & Wine a couple years ago at Lolla and couldn’t make it through 2 songs. Not because he was bad. He was playing basically an acoustic song not far from a DJ stage and you could barely hear and enjoy him.

My hopes weren’t high going in.

And boy was I wrong! They were great. Super great. He played electric and they basically had a full band as opposed to just playing the acoustic.

Here is what impressed me the most. He played my favorite song (which by the way, I had amazing luck with hearing my favorite song by all the bands I knew), which is “Upward over the Mountain”.

The recorded version is super mellow and very acoustic.

This is the version they played

Just oozed awesome and talent. Go see it.

Iron & Wine sez: “Hey John. I like your beard. Keep up the good work.”

Yes, sir!

6:15pm – Gnarls Barkley: B+

Don’t own any of their albums but always enjoy watching them perform live. They wear fun outfits and just have a good time on stage. A couple years ago they wore tennis outfits. This year they looked like college professors with sweater vests and khakis. I heard they dressed like Jedis one time.

I also love them because they do covers of songs. Here is a Radiohead cover they have been doing lately.

Real quick side note: Why doesn’t Microsoft Word recognize the word Jedi? Wait. Apparently it does, just not the plural version. Sorry about that.

To get us back on track, I will share a story from Lollapalooza 2006. I was watching Gnarls Barkley and Cee Lo (lead singer) was talking to the crowd between songs and said “Now ladies, don’t be shy about whipping out them titties.” Right after saying that they cut to a crowd shot on the jumbotron and there were a couple girls who were not entertained at all. One comment lost half the crowd. It was awesome.

Gnarls Barkley sez: “We dressed as Star Wars character for the MTV awards. Unfortunately because of corporations you can’t watch the video on youtube. Now let’s see those titties.” (John lifts shirt slowly while crying quietly)

7:15pm – The National: B-

I only saw a couple of their songs. Amazingly I still got to hear Fake Empire (my favorite of theirs) even though I only saw the last 15 minutes of their set. I really like this band. I really like their album. But nothing really jumped out for me in their live show. They sounded great but their music doesn’t lend itself to a full spectacle.

The National sez: “It must have been hard to judge our set since you were in a beer line on the opposite side of the field we were playing to.”

8:15pm – Nine Inch Nails: C

In all reality it probably isn’t fair to review them. I only saw 2 of their songs from one of the worst vantage points possible. From what I heard from other people, they were awesome. I just saw them kinda standing around and playing. Again, only saw a couple songs of theirs.

This is actually just an excuse to call out one of the biggest douchebags I have ever seen. Ya see, I was in the lolla lounge and I found a nice little spot I could watch some show. Near me is a dude in a polo and khaki shorts, clearly was in a frat in 1995 and probably thought all the kids who listened to NIN at the time were a “bunch of freaked out queers” but at the same time “would love to lay the wood to those slutted out chicks they’re rolling with even though they probably drink blood and cut themselves and other weird freak shit”.

Back to the topic. This preppy douchebag, who is clearly drunk, is calling over to a friend of his sitting by the fence. Next to his friend is a woman (late 20’s, maybe early 30’s) who thought he was talking to her for a second. Now, this lady, who was definitely there with a dude, was very normal. I mean she wasn’t sauced, clearly wasn’t looking to bang anyone. Just there for the concert.

After this woman thought prepdouche was talking to her, he turned into a shark and he smelled blood. He clarified he wasn’t talking to her, but could. Then said she should drink more because then he gets cuter. Then he said it again. Then a third time. Possibly a fourth. She made it pretty clear she wasn’t looking to make friends. Just kept saying no thanks, etc. Never one to quit or take a clue, he walked up to her with a beer which she politely declined. He came back and probably started thinking about the list of baby names for their future children.

I’m really not doing this story justice. Just believe me when I tell you that a total chode proved he was a total chode. I also appreciated how often he gave me dirty looks as if to say “Who let you in here?” Man, there was a whole group of these people. It was unbelievable. Also, the sound sucked in the lounge on that side and one of his buddies (Moose or Chet or something) kept yelling “Turn it up!” Um, they can’t hear you. You’re just ruining this for all of us. Also, if you were that concerned, why not actually go into the crowd with the normal folk.

OK enough of that.

NIN sez: “We hate that preppy guy. You did a bad job capturing what a dipshit he was.”

Prepdouche sez: “That chick was into me, bro! She was all like, ‘do me.’ And I was like ‘no way skank!’”

8:30pm – Kanye West: A+

Sunday was a huge letdown. Outside of Iron & Wine and Gnarls Barkley, nothing really stood out. Plus it was so crowded that it was hard to enjoy the fest. I couldn’t even see Girl Talk because they were on a small stage and the crowd was too thick. I thought about leaving at 6:30.

Thankfully I didn’t. Kanye was awesome and cleansed a crappy day with an awesome show. The thing that surprised and disappointed me was he didn’t have any special guests. What with all the other bands that played over the three days I thought maybe someone would pop by.

I probably got my hopes up thinking that Pharrell might fly in and Lupe and Thom Yorke stuck around for a couple days so this could happen.

Alas, no luck. However, to cap off my favorite song streak they did do Flashing Lights. Which isn’t much of a surprise.

While looking for clips I realized he played a lot of my favorites. I think New Workout Plan was the only one he didn’t do for me. Thanks Kanye.

Surprised there was no encore. He just went straight til 10pm. Really good show.

Kanye West sez: “That’s all you have to say? That’s it? You barely even complimented me. And what’s this I hear about you saying Lupe is the best MC out there? Don’t run away from me, I’m talking to you!”

Well, that’s the recap. See below for the closing thoughts.

To Close This Lolla Party Out

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 21:20:00 +0000

Some random tidbits.

Getting those schedules above here in was a more difficult task than should have been. But worth it because you can see how I changed things after initial thoughts.

Total time at fest: 26 hours
Money spent: Would rather not think about it.

Very well run festival with reasonable prices. I wish it wasn’t so big. Not to be that guy, but I remember the first fest in 2005 and it was better then. Smaller area, less people. Just made for a better fest.

Bands that I only caught a little of but need to check out
Noah and the Whale: Jam bandy in a good way. A little like Brian Jonestown Massacre.
Saul Williams: Hard Hip hop. They wore masks and seemed they could be crazy.
Yeasayer: Here is how you don’t introduce your band- “Their frontman is good friends with Oprah and their album was named one of the best of the year by Better Homes and Gardens…” but I like the song I heard.
Free Sol: Don’t remember why I circled them.
Booka Shade: Afro-punk kinda.
What Made Milwaukee Famous: Heard one I liked, one I didn’t
Black Kids: Only caught a snippet.

Other Random band notes
White Lies: You know who is really good at sounding like the Killers? The Killers. Please stop it, White Lies.
Chromeo: Large man please put your shirt on. Also, I don’t want to come here to watch one guy play a bass and another play a computer. That’s not fun.

Yet again have proven that people will run into me no matter how much space there is around me.

I think that’s all I got.

Lollapalooza sez: “Thanks again for coming. Could you do us a favor on your way out? This guy has been talking about The Go! Team and won’t stop. Could you just murder him for us?”

Sorry, Lollapalooza. No can do. But I’ll see you next year.

New Going Theory

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 16:09:00 +0000

I don't think I will find a place for this in my Lollapalooza recap, but I have a new theory.

Not really a theory, but I get really annoyed when people somehow almost run into you despite standing still in a large open area. It is baffling to me.

Next time I am at a music festival or something, I am going to stand alone in a huge open area and count how many people come within 3 feet of me.

Should be fun.

Also, an image search for "person open field" gave me this nice lady so I decided she would help convey the fun of being outside.

A lot less Words on the ESPYs

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 04:25:00 +0000

I edited this down. 2700 words was ridiculous. I was the biggest hypocrite ever by complaining the ESPYs were too long.

Welcome to ESPYS recap 2008. I already accidently hit the button that adjusts my screen brightness which I’m taking as a bad omen.

What that means: No love for hockey, a lot of winners I totally disagree with, and the Justin Timberlake I hate showing up to host. We’ll see how this pans out.

You might remember last year I wrote an ESPYs recap as it happened. http://friedgreendurbins.com/John_realtime.html

ESPY's are ESPN's awards for sports things.

I DVR’d this year’s ESPYs with the hope of actually taking some time with the tape. All that really happened is it took me 10 days to get around to doing this. Better late than never! Whoooooo!

I did watch it live so I am not going in blind. Let me go ahead and point out the weirdest thing. It ran over its allotted time. Even though it was taped and the baseball game before it ended 10 minutes early. I had to reDVR this thing at the 1am replay in the hopes that it wouldn’t cut off the end. Now I am thinking this might not be long enough even though I allowed 2.5 hours to record it.

ESPN, get your shit together. This is fuckin’ amateur. Well, now that we busted right the fuck through the profanity wall we might as well get started.

Under Armour and Hummer are sponsoring. That means we get a lot of creepy kids and hot chicks for half the commercial breaks http://youtube.com/watch?v=9M9tp8_WGws&feature=related
http://youtube.com/watch?v=cTmFzWisJwg

One of my complaints last year was that the highlight reel in the beginning had too many cut shots and made it impossible to actually see what was happening. This year they did a good job. Good highlights, able to see what’s going on. I’m a little flattered ESPN is reading my blogs. Next year maybe they’ll finish on time.

Lester’s no hitter highlights are making me choked up a little earlier than planned. Thankfully they showed Mike Piazza accompanied by him giving a phone interview. His quote: “I am leaving this game with absolutely no complaints”. The part they left out: “Other than the fact that everyone thought I was gay and I didn’t stab Roger Clemens in the throat with the broken bat he threw at me. Clemens… I would have done him in the ass so hard… Wait!”

Ya know, if I am an athlete or celebrity, and I die, or retire, and I earn a part of a montage that is less than other people in the montage, I’m gonna feel like the under side of a penis. So what I’m saying is, just give me an even slice of the montage pie.

Also, I think we’re being a little liberal with who we have in theses montages.

Uh oh, here comes Justin Timberlake (JT). First joke was good. Oops, now he’s parading around like a douchebag. Will Farrel’s face says it all. Not even 2 minutes in and JT has lost the crowd.

Alright, I have a policy not to criticize other people’s jokes, so I am gonna skip through his opener. Had some good ones, had some bad ones. Me dissecting his jokes will be more boring than actually watching this abortion of an opening monologue. Whoops.

Best upset – Big Brown wasn’t an upset. It’s a longer track. He was hurt. He should have lost. Fresno State should have won this. The disparity between top college programs and bad college programs is bigger than any professional sport. Whoops, Appalachian St is an option. Well, it should be Fresno St or Appalachian. Tell us who wins Forest Whitaker! Giants win! The Giants win! A team that won its right to play in the championship shocked the other team of paid professionals who were considered slightly better by most!

Danica has her legs pretty wide open as she hands over those ESPYs. Either she needs lady lessons or she’s looking for a large man to pollinate her.

Taking us to commercial: Danica flirting with the Giants. Pollination it is.

They just listed things to get me to stay tuned. They didn’t mention one thing that made me want to come back to ESPN ever again. Admittedly it started with “Brett Favre and then Justin Timberlake sings”. I think I would rather put vapo-rub on my scrotum.

Under Armour ad. Just dudes working out. In a really weird way- CLICK CLACK! – HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT! LET ME HEAR YOU! C’MON STIFF ARM! STIFF ARM IN THE FACE!

Jimmy Kimmel says you are a pussy and an asshole for not watching every NFL game live through direct ticket. No, Jimmy, DirectTV is a bunch of pussy assholes for having a monopoly. Actually, the government is a bunch of pussy assholes for not doing anything about it.

The ESPY announcing lady is a little too excited. She’s overselling things. I don’t think she wants to be there. I don’t blame her.

Montage on Favre. This captures Favre really well. Jamaican drums with Christian Slater narrating. Makes me think of Favre. This whole thing just seems like a big “Fuck You!” to Dan Marino.

Here comes the singing. Greg Oden is dressed in a little tuxedo and silly glasses. He’s awesome. More people need to be like him. I still don’t know if Oden actually played the piano for this. I hope so.

My God this is boring. Soooooo, basically JT’s just gonna kinda sing about what already happened? Doesn’t he have a blog where he can do this? Zing!

Under Armour is back to remind me to stiff arm people in the face.

Why does this guy want a mermaid in beer heaven? Are mermaids notoriously good at BJ’s and I just missed the memo? Of course, he also asked for Miller Lite, so he clearly isn’t looking to get any poon.

I want to party with Lupe Fiasco. I feel like we would get along.

Best Championship performance… Our second award tonight… 40 minutes in… ESPN… Dude… C’mon…

Looks like the ESPYs producers are working hard for a Zach Efron sandwich on white girl bread.

Best breakthrough athlete. Um… Adrian Peterson. Finally a football award the sport deserves to win. He was awesome. Adrian Peterson- Wait, I just found Vanessa Hudgens got naked pictures taken. Time out.

Saw the pic. Alright!

Cat Genie seems like a good idea. If you’re misguided enough to have a cat.

Arthur Ashe award time. Tommy Smith and John Carlos are getting the award for doing one of the awesomest things ever. Seriously, this is such a great moment.

“Narrated by Tom Cruise”. Somewhere Christian Slater is watching this and saying “Fuck! No one told me I could get credit for this! They’re threatening to take my SAG card! I need the official credit!”

I was just asked “What do you think is the process of getting Tom Cruise to narrate this?” My Answer: “Well, they probably wanted someone with a well known distinguishable voice. So they called his agent and asked if Tom Cruise could take the cock out of his mouth long enough to narrate this”.

How awkward for the second place guy in this Tommie Smith-John Carlos medal ceremony. I would have uncomfortably raised my fist too. Just because I wouldn’t know what else to do.

I just cued the band on them. Via fastforwarding.

Weird guy who wants to fuck a mermaid after getting drunk on Miller Lite is back.

The stars of the Mummy 3 (or 4, I think 4… I don’t Goddamn care) are here to present. Wow. Brendan Fraser is drunk. Jet Li is terrified. And short. And I think possibly a shaved monkey.

“Blah Blah Blah. I’m David Beckham. Blah Blah Blah”.

STIFF ARM! STIFF ARM TO THE FACE! Thank God that happened. Woke me back up a little bit.

JT shooting free throws to complain about Memphis. The horse is dead. Please leave it alone.

Kevin Everett will be given the Jimmy V award for coming back from being paralyzed. Agreed. Christian Slater is back to narrate. He doesn’t sound as into this one. He probably rerecorded a lesser version after seeing Tom Cruise got credit in the montage.

Man, seeing Kevin Everett walk out onto this stage makes you realize what a pussy Christopher Reeves was.

Best Moment time: Lester beats cancer. Fuck cancer. Cancer is a dick. Fuck the Royals too. The girl who blew out her knee doesn’t deserve the award. All she did was get carried around.

Best Male Athlete: Tiger Woods, A-Rod, Brady, or Kobe. None are in attendance. Will Farrell accepts the award. The producers of this show are thinking “Hijinx sells! We’ve got another hit on our hands! Cigars!”

Aaaaaaand, my recording has ended. All we missed was best team and whatever terrible closing they had. Best Team was the Giants. Great.

So basically the ESPYs repeat went over an hour long. All in all I give the show a C-. Looks like the omen of the accidental screen brightness adjustment came to fruition.

To recap: Too long. Not a lot of diversity in winners. Tom Cruise. Drunken Mermaid fucking. Subpar host.

Said it before, will say it again. ESPN, get your act together.

You have 364 days. Go!

Something to look forward to

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 04:56:00 +0000

I am going to dissect the ESPYs again. Honestly, I don't know when. Probably this weekend. I DVR'd it this year unlike last year when I just stream of consciousness commented.

Yeah. So get up on the edge of your seat.

Another Premature Movie Review

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 04:39:00 +0000

So, in this episode of me reviewing movies based on ads, I am telling you what I assume about the movie "Swing Vote" based on this promotional poster:

Kevin Costner is a gay man who is trying to vote for a non-gay man in the election but conflicted about it. Making him a "Swing Vote". Because it will make a difference. Or GAYke a difference as it were. HAHAHAHA, hilarious!

I base this on the really gay (literally; as in he looks like he is checking out some dude's garbage) picture plus the rest of the cast. Also, having swing in the title makes me think he is trying to figure out which way to swing. If college taught me anything, it's that if a dude is trying to figure out which way to swing, he's likely ending up on the dude side of the equation.

Note: Last sentence does not make me a bigot. Just most hetero dudes never reach the point of vocalizing their conflicted stance on what kind of crotch to put their face in.

MOVIES!

Reviewing a Preview

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 02:37:00 +0000

I don't want to sit through a 2 hour movie. So after watching the trailer, I just assume what it is about.

In this episode, I am going to tell you what "The Rocker" starring Rainn Wilson is about. Based on the preview this is at least 90 minutes of Rainn Wilson being hit with things and falling down.

I'm sold!

Please hold

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:02:00 +0000

I was on hold with my bank yesterday. They played the most depressing music I had ever heard. To the point that it made me a little uncomfortable. That's it.

Bye.

Hi, I'm a Quizno's in the Detroit Airport

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:42:00 +0000

Since you have shown interest in being a customer at the Quizno's in the Detroit Airport (me), I thought I should just go ahead and list the things you can expect NOT to have:

1) The full Quizno's menu. Look, let's be upfront. We're in the Detroit airport. We'd like to keep as much stuff related to Quizno's as possible from being in here. Ya know, so we don't go downhill by association. Our Steakhouse Beef Dip set a new quality standard. We can't have that jeopardized by the Wayne County International airport's substandard level of upkeep.

2) Different sandwich sizes. Now, I know you don't want the regular size sandwich. You're not that hungry or don't want to pay $1 per inch for a mediocre sandwich. I get it. But here's the thing. Even though we're cutting the bread right in front of you, there is a lot of complication in having them cut smaller sizes. Just trust us on this one. We have one billion Quizno's in the midwest alone. We've cut bread at least 30 billion times. We know what we're talking about.

3) The order taker to stick around to take your whole order. It doesn't matter that you said "Classic" and all you need to do is add "Italian" and her transaction with you is complete. Someone else can pass the order along to the sandwich maker. It's 1pm. It's time for her to go home. Just as a heads up the sandwich maker has not been trained for this situation. She'll stand there for a minute not knowing what to do. Just try to feel as unawkward as possible.

4) Efficient customers. My menu is overwhelming. I get it. There's like, 5 things in one size on here. So the guy who could be foreign is talking to the order taker like she is the waitress at a fancy restaurant. Asking her recommendations and what not. To his credit he is perceptive to realize that since I am the source of one of her meals everyday that she probably has had everything on my menu. Besides, it's only 12:57pm. He has plenty of time to get the info from her before she just walks away without saying anything.

5) A sandwich not loaded up with cheese. You need dairy. Eat the cheese. If you don't like it then you are an asshole. If you are lactose intolerant then you should take the message from God that He doesn't want you to be alive anymore. Now just eat the 10 types of cheese we put on your sandwich even though you said "no cheese". Because when you say "no" it just makes me want to cheese up your sandwich even more.

6) A reasonable price. I always thought I overcharged for sandwiches. But being in the airport with that inflated economy, I'm actually a cheap option. Better mark up my prices a little more. Gotta pay for these toasters. I am aware that every fast food and sandwich place everywhere (even Dunkin Donuts) has one. But ours are older, so they are more valuable... yes...

7) Banana peppers in the pepper bar. There were some here earlier. They're all gone now. We can't have the kid who puts lettuce on the sandwiches go refill it. What if someone orders a salad in the 10 seconds it would take him to refill it?

8) A place to sit. It's an airport, be resourceful. Use your little wheely carry-on suitcase as a table near a crowded gate. You check your bags? Then you're an asshole and I feel nothing but contempt for you.

Enjoy your sandwich!

Super Meta Blog Go!

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:28:00 +0000

Yep, I am dissecting one of my own previous posts. It is the one entitled "programming notes" if you are interested. Amazingly if you read that post with hindsight and a fact checking machine I come out to look like a real asshole. Let's get post modern on me. Past John in italics, Present John in Bold:

I basically watch Adult Swim and sports. Here is some updates on each:

I can't wait to point out what an asshole you are.

Mission Hill is running on repeats. Very late at night. If you're up and unsleepy, check it out. It is pretty decent and probably one of the most dated feeling shows in existence, which is weird because it took place in 2005.

It was made in 2000. Check your facts. You don't even have an excuse. You have to use the internet to write these things. Open a new tab and google search things. My God. You suck.

Astrobasego.com is offering Venture Brothers t-shirts each week. New shirt every week only available for a week. The shirt has to do with that weeks episode. Another really entertaining show.

I'm ordering this week's. Not that I love it, I just want to order one of these shirts and haven't been real flattered by any so far. On a side note, thank you for providing zero pieces of information on the show and why you like it. Now stop hocking products for a company you don't work for.

Euro 2008 is going on right now (soccer). Netherlands is (are?, stupid grammar) looking tough.

Honestly, I still don't know the correct grammar for this.

Begs the question of whether they are peaking too early.

You might be a genius. Netherlands lost to Russia in the first round of elimination games. Not too shabby. I guess since you knew this would happen you gambled on it or didn't get too attached to the team.

I hope not.

Oh.

My rankings for teams I am rooting for and why:

1) Netherlands: PSV Eindhoven and Ruud van Nistelrooy

Wow. Even though you knew they would lose you put them at number 1. You're a jagbag.

2) Germany: I think next to Irish I have more German genetic material in me than anything else. I could have probably worded that better, but here we are. My favorite player is this bearded fella known as Christoph Metzelder - http://china.goal.com/images/19406_hp.jpg. If you're an athlete and have a beard, I will be rooting for you.

Germany made it to the finals. Good for me. Lost to Spain. Bad for them. On a side note, beards make everyone more successful. Look at Castro.

3) Croatia: What I am about to say is 100% serious. Dig those socks! http://www.euro2008.uefa.com/tournament/matches/match=300701/report=rw.html. Seriously, those uniforms are unreal. (silence) *cough, cough* (more silence). Just me? Fine.

F*&$ you if you don't support those socks. They are awesome.

File Under Awesome

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 19:20:00 +0000

I have hanging cabinets over my desk at work. I was reading, kinda zoned out and my phone rang. I jumped up to go answer it (yes I was far from my phone, don't ask why because I don't know) and smacked my head on the corner of the cabinet.

Aside from hurting like a bastard I began to bleed profusely. It was awesome. One of those "what is this liquid I feel on my forehead" and you put your hand on it and it looks like you just delivered a baby while not wearing gloves. Blood EVERYWHERE. Running down my face. Intense.

I think I am ok. I tried to tell Smarter Child (IM chat bot) about the experience, but he didn't understand. I wish I hadn't closed the chat window, I would have put it here. It was pretty entertaining. Apparently you don't want Smarter Child the be your last hope in an emergency because he doesn't know how to respond to emergencies. When I told him that I was feeling dizzy and going to go to sleep for a while, Smarter Child told me "Sweet Dreams". I think he knew I was going to die and wanted to be as comforting as possible.

Sorry for the silence. I have been writing longer things. Hope to have them completed and up here soon.

Watch your heads.

Potential Blog Migration

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 18:28:00 +0000

I am thinking about moving this blog to one with the title diatribes. It seems more accurate to what I am doing. But at the same time not at all. Diatribe belongs in the list of words I have used inaccurately for years now. I thought it just meant a long rambling collection of words.

Fear not, you will know immedgiately if that happens. In the meantime, I will continue here.

FYI, show at the comedysportz tonight. Come out. We will be making 4th of July references. Because America is a-ok.

11pm, comedysportz on Belmont (between sheffield and clark).

Live it.

Shows soon

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 21:01:00 +0000

So dig it. FGD is doing shows the next two Thursdays at Comedysportz. It is a cool theatre. $5 to get in. Fun times had by all. There is a bar. 11pm. Live it.

We've re-emerged from the writing machine with some new material and we're doing some of our more obscure works that we have not performed live in a while, so there should be fun for the whole family. Especially if your family finds dark things funny.

Dark as in sad. Not dark as in devoid of light.

A list

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 15:38:00 +0000

this is my list of places that are bad for talking to a stranger about the socio-economic issues of Mississippi.

1) Kinko's

That's all.

Quick Programming notes

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 06:06:00 +0000

I basically watch Adult Swim and sports. Here is some updates on each:

Mission Hill is running on repeats. Very late at night. If you're up and unsleepy, check it out. It is pretty decent and probably one of the most dated feeling shows in existence, which is weird because it took place in 2005.

Astrobasego.com is offering Venture Brothers t-shirts each week. New shirt every week only available for a week. The shirt has to do with that weeks episode. Another really entertaining show.

Euro 2008 is going on right now (soccer). Netherlands is (are?, stupid grammar) looking tough. Begs the question of whether they are peaking too early. I hope not. My rankings for teams I am rooting for and why:

1) Netherlands: PSV Eindhoven and Ruud van Nistelrooy

2) Germany: I think next to Irish I have more German genetic material in me than anything else. I could have probably worded that better, but here we are. My favorite player is this bearded fella known as Christoph Metzelder - http://china.goal.com/images/19406_hp.jpg. If you're an athlete and have a beard, I will be rooting for you.

3) Croatia: What I am about to say is 100% serious. Dig those socks! http://www.euro2008.uefa.com/tournament/matches/match=300701/report=rw.html. Seriously, those uniforms are unreal. (silence) *cough, cough* (more silence). Just me? Fine.

Help me out here weather channel

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 16:56:00 +0000

What's the difference between "Mostly Sunny" and "Partly Cloudy"?

Hi,

noreply@blogger.com (papadurbinstudios) — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 02:23:00 +0000

I am still trying to get this thing settled.